Single Kanima Seeks Eligible Master
by Spiga
Summary: A series of crossovers and AUs in various generas and styles that explore the relationship between a weapon of vengeance and those who would wield him for good or ill. Because there needs to be more crossovers that aren't with Vampire Diaries or Twilight.


Oh hey look, another project that's going to be eating up my time while I should be working on Dogs of War. Ya'll can blame LadySilver for this though. I've really stolen the idea behind X and just worked it around a single character. Oh well, Wolf Lake is finally coming to DVD, so I'll have no excuse not to update DOW.

Until then HOW IS THERE NOT A THOUSAND CROSSOVERS WITH THIS THEME? Come on, guys.

* * *

Gee, thanks for letting the real me come out to play. What do you want?

Oh.

Wow.

Shit.

Yeah, I think it's pretty obvious what's happening to you.

Yes Marcus, I have seen this before. Well, not seen it myself. It happened to my first master, Matt. He had me in perpetual zombie mode too. And the one after that, Gerard. In fact, my luck with masters kind of sucks.

No Marcus, I was under no obligation to tell you. I'm your slave and you like to keep me brain dead twenty four seven. So what is my motivation to help you again?

Cut the shit, you need me and even if you didn't you're not going to kill me with a old tomahawk. You try to take my life the bond is broken anyway. And then you're alone. In your office. With me. You're not my favorite person in the world Marcus.

So put it down. Now shut up and let me talk, jackhole.

Did you think you could just use me to kill whoever was convenient and there wouldn't be a price?

There's always a price.

All those purebloods were righteous kills. They were all murderers, mass murderers. They were pretty unrepentant to, I'm not sure if that makes it better but I think it does. Most of them had victimized you too. Or at least you felt victimized by them. Even though you're really no better than them you evil vampire dickwad.

Krista was a killer as well. But she was repentant. She was trying to make things right. She was a good person, even after you gave your Leech-AIDS to her. I wish she had killed you first. Fuck, then I'd at least have a master who was hot.

But a killer is a killer. She was a righteous kill too. If you can call what you had me do to that gorgeous body of hers righteous.

But that reporter who filmed you tearing that man's throat out? She had a family. Kids. She was innocent, she never hurt anyone. She was in the right, morally, trying to expose you to the world for the bloodsucking murderer you really are.

What's that? Nobody's really innocent? Maybe. But some people are less fucked up than others. Some people deserve to be happy and live to a ripe old age. They don't deserve to be torn to pieces by me.

Between me and that pureblood killing bio-warfare shit you have you have the other vampires eating out of your hand. You didn't have to kill her. You could have just discredited her, ruined her career. Don't pretend like you don't have the resources. You could have left her alive.

Fuck off with that 'you're to young and naïve to understand' bullshit.

Yeah, maybe. Maybe you're right. Maybe she would never have left the story alone but that didn't mean she was actually a threat. Even if she was, you could have had any of your stupid vampire goons do it. Hell, even one of those sad little humans you have working for you, hoping to get a taste of immortality.

Yeah, Familiars, whatever. Point is, it didn't have to be me.

I didn't have to be the one to kill Blade's little weapon making boyfriend either. The little Asian dude, whatever the fuck his name was. Now the Daywalker is gunning for me. He's probably going to kill me by the way so thanks again for that, you big asshole.

I didn't have to be the one to take out that judge who was prosecuting that little Familiar bitch of yours for torching that dude's house. He was just doing his job and seeing that justice was done.

I didn't have to kill that CEO whose plans for the…whatever-it-is-you-wanted but couldn't steal. He was just protecting his company's property.

I didn't have to kill that police woman. It's not her fault your stupid ass little vampire bitches couldn't hide the bodies better. Again, she was just doing her job. Trying to bring murderers to justice.

That sweet old couple who wouldn't sell the home they had lived in for their entire adult lives so you could build that stupid art museum? Fuck you for that, by the way. Their grandkids were there. They saw everything.

No, that's your fault for deciding they had to die you fucking asshole.

I'm the Kanima, Marcus. I'm a Weapon of Vengeance. Reread the fucking Wikipedia page you incredible douchebag.

Did you even read the Wikipedia page?

Whatever, my entire purpose is to bring death and destruction to those who have escaped justice. Murderers and rapists and all kinds of fucked up pieces of trash who got away with doing bad things to good people and have bad things coming to them.

Whatever, you're a bad guy. You're a vampire, and vampires are evil. I get it.

Fine, you're 'pragmatic'. Whatever.

My point is you had options. You didn't have to kill those people and you didn't have to use me to do it.

Oh my God, are you fucking retarded?

No, I don't care about your stupid little House of Cthulhu or whatever the fuck. I don't care how much money you make a year. Are you fucking retarded?

Seriously.

You're almost as dense as McCall.

Did you see the 'Of Vengeance' after the 'Weapon' part of my job description? Did you? Is your reading comprehension that fucking remedial? I'm only supposed to kill people who have it coming, Marcus! People who actually deserve to die! Not everyone who pisses you off! You have goons for that.

Yeah…

Yeah, well…

Fine. Whatever. You were protecting yourself.

You were protecting your kind. Whatever. Your kind is a bunch of evil assholes. But-

Yeah, I know I've killed innocent people Marcus.

Yeah, thanks. Thanks for reminding me about that baby I orphaned. Awesome. You're really endearing yourself to me right now.

Look, you want me to help you or not?

Fine, I'll get to my point. You know Matt, the one who made me kill that kid's parents?

He misused my powers too. He used me to kill and terrorize everyone who got in his way just like you did. He poured his evil and insanity into me and you know what happened?

A little bit of my evil got poured back into him.

Yeah.

No, I don't know what's going to happen next. Maybe you'll stop being a vampire, like it'll cure you or something. Maybe you're going to turn into something else. Something really horrible and messed up and twisted and awful.

Yeah, maybe you'll become a god. But I don't think it works that way, Marcus. This is your punishment for misusing my powers.

You really want my suggestion though? Just turn yourself in to Blade. He'll probably make it quick. You're not far enough in your transformation that it'll be any more difficult than killing a normal vampire.

Yeah, and then he'll be my master. Then I'll fucking kill people who actually deserve it. For once.

No, Marcus I don't know how to stop it.

Honestly? No. Even if I did…you have this coming.

I'm a Shape Shifting Weapon of Vengeance, remember? Messenger of Savage Retribution? Deliverer of Violent Justice? Any of this ringing a bell? This is pretty karmic if you ask me. What, you want to cheat the system just because you got all excited about your new toy and didn't bother to read the warning label? Because that's what happened isn't it Marcus? You got a massive power boner off having a rare supernatural creature as your personal hit man and you didn't even bother to double check the lore.

No, Marcus, it doesn't work that way. I may have done the dirty work, but you were the one in the driver's seat. Therefore the blame is all on you. Not me. You. I'm blameless. I'm the real victim here…

I'm sorry, are you angry? Is the wittle vampire mad because his pet lizard doesn't want to play nice anymore? Screw you, Marcus. You think just because you have me mind controlled I'm some obedient puppy eager to please you? No, I'm not loyal to you, or anyone else. Maybe the Kanima is, but I'm not. I look out for one person. Me. And I'm getting pretty clear orders from Number One to just let you just suffer.

Oh sure, you can try. Please. Be my guest. Put me out of my misery. Well, I guess it's your misery now too. Welcome to slavery, sucks doesn't it?

You had this coming Marcus.

There's always a price.

* * *

Crossed Over With: Blade: The Series


End file.
